I think it is time.
The thing that people are always warning you about; just hold back a little bit. What if from a young age, you've been doing this, whether it be to fit in with a peer group, fit in with the class average, be part of the norm because you are still trying to figure out who and what you are. We go through all sorts of awkward phases, changes that we don't know are actually perfectly normal to go through. I remember when I was younger, I was angry at myself for changing; why do these things have to happen? Why do I have to be different? Why are people looking at me like that? Why now? I was just starting to blend in here... This is such an inconvenient time! What's more is, from an even younger age, I was angry with my parents for naming me Judéte. Nobody knows how to say it, nobody has even heard a name like that where I come from. Why does it have to be so strange? Can't I just have a normal name? A name where people don't have to hear it on loop for like two years before they stop massacring it?! For so many years, not realizing so many people go through the same thing, I toiled over life's questions. Going through phases of what I am, what I am supposed to be and what I can be. You seek balance through all of it, purpose, goals, clarity, peace... while still being so, so young. The older I become, the more I get to know myself, and who I have always been. It is because of the people closest to me; my mother, my grandmother, father and sister, all of my uncles, aunts and cousins-- they were the ones who made me believe in myself. It's like they all knew who I was, even before I did. You can't see yourself. You can't see yourself in the moment when you do anything. Extraordinary accomplishments, mistakes, floating, taking risks, resting, Nothing. But the people around you are the ones who can tell you what they see. They see the patterns, and tell you what you mean to them. They make you make sense to yourself. I'm not sure where this is supposed to lead. Maybe to the fact that when you hit a bump in the road, or have to start coming to terms with needing to fail sometimes, it is so critical to not be tainted by it. No speed wobble should ever be off-putting. DO NOT get side-tracked by periods of time where no change happens. I cannot stress this enough; do not discredit yourself by not being who you have always been-- since the beginning. Do you often long for those moments in your earlier life where you did something completely brilliant? You broke the record, you aced that one test, you beat your personal best, you overcame a huge obstacle, you had inner freedom from something? Longing for that phase in your life where you were almost unaware that you could fail. Your peers were at your feet, and at one point, in awe! Live like you can't fail. Because, the real truth is, most of us live as though we will probably 9/ 10 times fail. You handicap yourself before you even try. How terrible?! How absolutely heart-breaking. How unfair to yourself. Why don't you want to give yourself a chance? You're dying to prove to yourself that you can be the hero. Don't be a bully to your own dreams. OVER is the time that you sway and weave with bureaucracy, political correctness and cautiously tip-toe around huge, game-changing moves. Waiting for the right moment, or allowing the clock to strike Tomorrow so that you can reconsider what you actually, deep down longed to start right now-- or worse, so many seasons ago. I want the following:
I'm done with only dipping in my pinky toe. We're going for the whole enchilada now. And never again will I revert to the ways of when I was a little too guided by fear to leap into the unknown. I have people who love me and that remind me of who I am and what I have gone through to get here. Most importantly, I love myself, and by achieving whatever it is that I want, I also uphold all the things I stand for and the place that I come from. NEVER EVER forget who you were born to BE. "You are interested in Greatness, because Greatness is interested in you"-- Mary M. Morrissey.
1 Comment
Berdene Fourie
6/13/2016 05:01:56 am
Whooooo hooooo, something just so awesomely irresistible and mysterious about someone, anyone, focused ...met planne! Inspiring and infectious/contagious. Just love you xxxxxxxxx
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AuthorHi there, my name is Judete Fourie. I am a twenty-something-year-old writer living in Stellenbosch in SA's Western Cape. Follow my day to day adventures that involve wine, wit and braaibroodjies. Archives
June 2017
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